65 Top Robert California Quotes (Weird and Hilarious)

Unlock the wisdom and humor of Robert California with these unforgettable quotes that will challenge your perception of life and business!

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Funniest Robert California Quotes

Can everyone just, please… I had a one man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and – how should I say this Robert California QuotesPin

Can everyone just, please… I had a one-man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and – how should I say this – Columbian whites. What – what is this about, uh, Binghamton? Robert California
Erin when you recount your day never say you woke up. Thats a waste of your time. Thats how Every day is begun For everyone since the dawn of man.Pin
Erin when you recount your day never say you woke up. That’s a waste of your time. That’s how Every day is begun For everyone since the dawn of man. Robert California
Everything I say is a lie. And thats the truth. Robert California QuotesPin
Everything I say is a lie. And that’s the truth. Robert California
Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty.Pin
Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty. Robert California
Theres something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional. Robert California QuotesPin
There’s something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional. Robert California
I am beyond sex. Sex is not the way I fly.Pin
I am beyond sex. Sex is not the way I fly. Robert California
I know you now your nature. Im done. Not worth continuing. Robert California QuotesPin
I know you now, your nature. I’m done. Not worth continuing. Robert California
I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find It best to recuse myself temporarily until I’ve had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze thePin
I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find It best to recuse myself temporarily until I’ve had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way. Robert California
Im always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs. Robert California QuotesPin
I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs. Robert California
Im like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.Pin
I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience. Robert California
Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does She think of the street Robert California QuotesPin
Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does She think of the street? Robert California
My darkest secrets Oh, Stanley, you’ll never know them all.Pin
My darkest secrets? Oh, Stanley, you’ll never know them all. Robert California
Oof! Wouldnt wanna be a Sabre employee right about now. Im actually the CEO. Robert California QuotesPin
Oof! Wouldn’t wanna be a Sabre employee right about now. I’m actually the CEO. Robert California
Our favorite names, silly made up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn’t That be nicePin
Our favorite names, silly made-up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn’t That be nice? Robert California
Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there Robert California QuotesPin
Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I’ll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one. –Robert Califonria
Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well thats baloney because grief isnt wrong. Theres such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.Pin
Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown. Robert California
The human mind is a scary place. I mean were all getting to know each other better and its getting dangerous. Robert California QuotesPin
The human mind is a scary place. I mean, we’re all getting to know each other better, and it’s getting dangerous. Robert California
There is something about an office supply that just reduces us to children.Pin
There is something about an office supply that just reduces us to children. Robert California Quotes
Theres something about death that is comforting. The thought that you could die tomorrow frees you to appreciate your life now. Robert California QuotesPin
There’s something about death that is comforting. The thought that you could die tomorrow frees you to appreciate your life now. Robert California
They never have improved on the Oreo, have theyPin
They never have improved on the Oreo, have they? Robert California
Trust me one nine minute bout is the cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. I could go to the gym three times a week or I could wrestle Stu once a month. Robert California QuotesPin
Trust me, one nine minute bout is the cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. I could go to the gym three times a week, or I could wrestle Stu once a month. Robert California
We need to remember what’s important in life friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third.Pin
We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third. Robert California
Youre going to want to hear the sexual metaphor. Robert California QuotesPin
You’re going to want to hear the sexual metaphor. Robert California

Short Robert California Quotes

I find your face repulsive. nPin

I find your face repulsive. Robert Californian
I will not be muzzled. Robert California QuotesPin
I will not be muzzled. Robert California Quotes
Im unconvicted.Pin
I’m unconvicted. Robert California
Its not about sex its about power. Robert California QuotesPin
It’s not about sex, it’s about power. Robert California
Life is long. But life is also short.Pin
Life is long. But life is also short. Robert California
The eyes are the groin of the face. Robert California QuotesPin
The eyes are the groin of the face. Robert California
Welcome to the goddamn lizards lair.Pin
Welcome to the go**amn lizard’s lair. Robert California

Quotes from Robert California that Show His Arrogance

Do I look like someone who would waste my own time Robert California QuotesPin

Do I look like someone who would waste my own time? Robert California
Do you know how much time I waste in this place waiting for people to get to the pointPin
Do you know how much time I waste in this place waiting for people to get to the point? Robert California
I am never uncomfortable Robert California QuotesPin
I am never uncomfortable Robert California
I will be the most powerful person in the world by the end of this call.Pin
I will be the most powerful person in the world by the end of this call. Robert California
Im afraid youve lost my interest. Robert California QuotesPin
I’m afraid you’ve lost my interest. Robert California
Im very comfortable with long silences.Pin
I’m very comfortable with long silences. Robert California
Some people call me the Lizard King. I dont know why I dont really like lizards. Robert California QuotesPin
Some people call me the Lizard King. I don’t know why, I don’t really… like… lizards. Robert California
There are two types of people in this world winners and losers.Pin
There are two types of people in this world: winners and losers. Robert California
There is something inside of me that is so driven. Robert California QuotesPin
There is something inside of me that is so… driven. Robert California
Through concentration I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. Robert California QuotesPin
Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. Robert California Quotes
We dont need all this corporate crap to dazzle us. All we need are the bare essentials.Pin
We don’t need all this corporate crap to dazzle us. All we need are the bare essentials. Robert California
When youre a star they let you do it. Robert California QuotesPin
When you’re a star, they let you do it. Robert California
When the world turns its back on you you turn your back on the world.Pin
When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world. Robert California
Why don’t we do a little call and response I say ‘power,’ and you say ‘true.’ Power Robert California QuotesPin
Why don’t we do a little call-and-response? I say ‘power,’ and you say ‘true.’ Power? Robert California
Will you be heard Will you have a voice Will I steamroll over youPin
Will you be heard? Will you have a voice? Will I steamroll over you?
Do you feel heard right now, Jim Do you have a voice, right now You can answer me.Pin
Do you feel heard right now, Jim? Do you have a voice, right now? You can answer me. Robert California
Yes For Gods sake Andy yes please come in.Pin
Yes, For God’s sake, Andy, yes, please come in. Robert California
You dont even know my real name. Im the fucking Lizard King.Pin
You don’t even know my real name. I’m the f*cking Lizard King. Robert California

Unforgettable Quotes from Robert California

A good manager doesnt fire people. He hires people and inspires people. People Ryan.Pin

A good manager doesn’t fire people. He hires people and inspires people. People, Ryan. Robert California
I want to build a team. I want to take a group of winners and teach them to be better winners. I want to create an environment that is so toxic.Pin
I want to build a team. I want to take a group of winners and teach them to be better winners. I want to create an environment that is so toxic. Robert California
Do you feel heard right now, Jim Do you have a voice right nowPin
Do you feel heard right now, Jim? Do you have a voice right now? Robert California
Everything is sex. Do you know that Sex is power.Pin
Everything is sex. Do you know that? Sex is power. Robert California
FEAR plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihood, into our relationships. It’s funnyPin
FEAR plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihood, into our relationships. It’s funny isn’t it? We take a day every year to dress up in costume and celebrate FEAR. Robert California
Hey my friend trust me. This is For the best. I never understood that corporate mess.Pin
Hey, my friend, trust me. This is For the best. I never understood that corporate mess. Robert California
I’ll tell you some thing I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social cues, and then inevitably reframing It all in a reassuring wayPin
I’ll tell you some thing I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social cues, and then inevitably reframing It all in a reassuring way so That you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in That at all. Robert California
If I invited you to lunch I think youre a winner. If I didnt I dont. But I just met you all. Life is long opinions change. Winners prove me right. Losers prove me wrong.Pin
If I invited you to lunch, I think you’re a winner. If I didn’t I don’t. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners, prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong. Robert California
In the animal world, dominance is achieved by mating. The alpha male…gets to mate with the alpha female anytime he wants. So yes, I have slept with my subordinates. I have sleptPin
In the animal world, dominance is achieved by mating. The alpha male…gets to mate with the alpha female anytime he wants. So yes, I have slept with my subordinates. I have slept with my superiors. I’ve slept with accountants, lawyers, saleswomen, interns, janitors, and receptionists. Robert California
Let me tell you something. The mind is limitless.Pin
Let me tell you something. The mind is limitless. Robert California
That business cant attract anyone. Its awful up there. Those people seem like theyre in prison waiting out life sentences in a dying industry.Pin
That business can’t attract anyone. It’s awful up there. Those people seem like they’re in prison, waiting out life sentences in a… dying industry. Robert California Quotes
That was your choice, not mine. The fallacy is That It is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object… whether It will be flattened or not, and I can tell from the smallPin
That was your choice, not mine. The fallacy is That It is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object… whether It will be flattened or not, and I can tell from the small interaction we’ve had already, you won’t be flattened by anybody. Do you agree with me, Jim? Robert California
The era of personal service is back. You are back. Youll find the customers will pay our higher prices and then they will thank us and we will say to them you are welcome.Pin
The era of personal service is back. You are back. You’ll find the customers will pay our higher prices, and then they will thank us, and we will say to them you are welcome. Robert California
There is no such thing as a product. Dont ever think there is. There is only sex. Everything is sex. You understand That what Im telling you is a universal truth Toby.Pin
There is no such thing as a product. Don’t ever think there is. There is only… sex. Everything… is sex. You understand That what I’m telling you is a universal truth,… Toby. Robert California
What is sexier than a businesswoman Well, a lot of things. But they are up there.Pin
What is sexier than a businesswoman? Well, a lot of things. But they are up there. Robert California
When I was 18 I spent a summer fighting wildfires in Colorado. And what I soon realized was that these firefighters these good looking strong brave men they were just children.Pin
When I was 18, I spent a summer fighting wildfires in Colorado. And what I soon realized was that these firefighters, these good-looking, strong, brave men, they were just children. Robert California
You read my notebook And photo copied it And distributed itPin
You read my notebook? And photo-copied it? And distributed it? Robert California
You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does It matter if he wants a hundred dollars of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep sea drillingPin
You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does It matter if he wants a hundred dollars of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep-sea drilling equipment? Don’t be a fool. He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. Robert California

Unraveling the Enigmatic Wisdom of Robert California

In the annals of television history, few characters have left as lasting an impression as Robert California, the enigmatic and eccentric figure portrayed by James Spader in the hit TV series “The Office.” Debuting in the seventh season of the show, Robert California brought a unique and mysterious energy to the Dunder Mifflin Scranton office, leaving both the characters and the audience in awe of his unorthodox leadership style and thought-provoking quotes.

One of the defining traits of Robert California was his uncanny ability to weave philosophical musings into everyday conversations. His dialogue was laden with deep introspections, forcing those around him to ponder the complexities of life and business. Whether he was discussing the intricacies of human nature or the art of persuasion, Robert’s quotes possessed an uncanny power to challenge conventional thinking and provoke thought.

Throughout the series, Robert California made several memorable statements that have since become emblematic of his character. One such quote that exemplifies his unique perspective was, “There is no such thing as a product. Don’t ever think there is. There is only sex. Everything is sex. You understand what I’m telling you is a universal truth.” This line, delivered with an air of absolute certainty, reflects Robert’s penchant for distilling complex ideas into seemingly simplistic yet profound principles.

Another standout moment occurred when he addressed the team during a sales meeting, saying, “Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us? How dare we let it into our decision-making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships?” Here, Robert California challenged the conventional notion of fear as a hindrance, instead urging people to embrace it as a driving force for growth and change.

Intriguingly, Robert California’s character was shrouded in mystery. Throughout the series, his background and true intentions were often subject to speculation, leaving both the characters and viewers perplexed. He had an aura of mystique, making it difficult to discern whether he was a wise sage, a manipulative mastermind, or simply an enigmatic oddball.

Despite the ambiguity surrounding his character, Robert California had a profound impact on those he encountered. Colleagues like Andy Bernard and Jim Halpert were alternately fascinated, intimidated, and bewildered by his presence. His interactions with the Scranton branch employees brought out the best and worst in them, often challenging their assumptions and revealing aspects of their personalities they never knew existed.

Robert California’s character is a testament to the power of well-crafted writing and skilled acting. James Spader’s portrayal of this enigmatic figure was nothing short of mesmerizing, elevating Robert from a mere eccentric boss to a profound and unforgettable character.

In conclusion, Robert California’s presence in “The Office” left an indelible mark on the show’s legacy. His thought-provoking quotes, mysterious persona, and unique leadership style make him an enduring and captivating character in television history. As fans continue to revisit the series, they will undoubtedly find themselves drawn once again to the enigmatic wisdom of Robert California.

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