49 Top Hilarious Roscoe P. Coltrane Quotes (LOL)

Step into the world of Hazzard County and relive the comedic genius of Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane (James Best) with these memorable quotes that will leave you chuckling and reminiscing.

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Hilarious Quotes from Dialogue between Rosco and Other Characters

Oh, Boss, if you ain’t the sneakiest, low down double dealinist little fat rascal, coo! Roscoe P. Coltrane QuotesPin

Rosco: Oh, Boss, if you ain’t the sneakiest, low-down double dealinist little fat rascal, coo!

Boss Hogg: Oh, Rosco, it sure is nice to be so appreciated.

It’s like I died and went to heaven. Can you believe it, Rosco?Pin

Boss Hogg: It’s like I died and went to heaven. Can you believe it, Rosco?

Rosco: Well, I’m trying, but see, I’m having trouble with the part about a double dealin’, four flushin’, flim-flammer like you boss gettin’ to heaven.

The Best offense is a bigger offense. Roscoe P. Coltrane QuotesPin

Boss Hogg: The Best offense is a bigger offense.

Rosco: And I tell ya, we are the most offensive people in these parts.

Rosco, I have been asking myself that very same questions, ever since I married your fat sister!Pin

Boss: Let the Duke’s be for now…

Rosco: Well, what do you need me for then Boss???

Boss: Rosco, I have been asking myself that very same questions, ever since I married your fat sister!

Rosco (Doing Crossword Puzzle) What's a five letter word for dunce? Boss R O S C O Roscoe P. Coltrane QuotesPin

Rosco (Doing Crossword Puzzle): What’s a five letter word for dunce?

Boss: R-O-S-C-O

Rosco: Ooo! That fits!

Rosco You know one day I'm gonna, I mean I'm gonna, I mean I'm gonna ... Boss You're gonna what?Pin

Rosco: You know one day I’m gonna, I mean I’m gonna, I mean I’m gonna …

Boss: You’re gonna what?

Rosco: I don’t know, this is not my day.

Rosco Who's guarding the prisoners? Enos Sheriff, there is no prisoners. Rosco Then go get some! Roscoe P. Coltrane QuotesPin

Rosco: Who’s guarding the prisoners?

Enos: Sheriff, there is no prisoners.

Rosco: Then go get some!

Boss Rosco, you have the head of a watermelon with the brain the size of a seed. Rosco I think you just scuffed my pride for a week.Pin

Boss: Rosco, you have the head of a watermelon with the brain the size of a seed.

Rosco: I think you just scuffed my pride for a week.

Rosco You still in hot pursuit boy? Enos More like luke warm sheriff, I lost em. Rosco You lost em? One thing about you Enos, your consistent. Roscoe P. Coltrane QuotesPin

Rosco: You still in hot pursuit boy?

Enos: More like luke-warm sheriff, I lost em.

Rosco: You lost em? One thing about you Enos, your consistent.

Rosco Go faster! Dobro Doolan Well, I don't wanna get a speedin' ticket! Sheriff Rosco Coltrane From who, you jackass?Pin

Rosco: Go faster!

Dobro Doolan: Well, I don’t wanna get a speedin’ ticket!

Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: From who, you jackass?

I tell you Sheriff. You shouldn't be tryin' to trap people like this. It ain't right. It ain't proper. And it ain't honest. Roscoe P. Coltrane QuotesPin

Deputy Enos State: I tell you Sheriff. You shouldn’t be tryin’ to trap people like this. It ain’t right. It ain’t proper. And it ain’t honest.

Sherrif Rosco P. Coltrane: And yer gonna ain’t yerself right out of a job, if you don’t stop ain’tin’! All you gotta remember is, monkey see, monkey do!

I am officially upgrading the Dukes from fly in my ointment to thorn in my side, and if they happen to elevate themselves to pain in my ass [grabbing Roscos nose with the tongs], I'm gonna boil you!Pin

Rosco P. Coltrane: It appears them Duke boys made off with your safe.

Boss Hogg: I am officially upgrading the Dukes from fly in my ointment to thorn in my side, and if they happen to elevate themselves to pain in my ass [grabbing Roscos nose with the tongs], I’m gonna boil you!

Rosco It's Coltrain there aint no 'brain' in it. Sheriff Little (Chickasaw County) You can say that again. Roscoe P. Coltrane QuotesPin

Rosco: It’s Coltrain there aint no ‘brain’ in it.

Sheriff Little (Chickasaw County): You can say that again.

Sidesplitting Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane Quotes

Listen Enos, Boss ain’t nothin’ but flab and bones. Now, Flash, now, that’s family. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane Quotes
Sleep tight and don’t let the crawdeads bite. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
(Speaking to the Duke boys in jail)
That’s a Big 10-4 My Little Fat Buddy, I’m a comin’, I’m a comin’! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Flash wants a doggie num num. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Boss, You’re the only man I know that can steal a man’s teeth….and then come back for the gums. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
That woulda killed ten ordinary men. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Enos, do you know what one casket said to the other casket? Is that you coffin? Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane Quotes
Enos! Don’t talk back to me while I’m yelling at you! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
That’s no way for Cooter to talk to you after all the things you ain’t ever done for him! I hate an ingrate that ain’t grateful for all the things he ain’t never had. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Enos, you don’t say ‘go fish’ in rummie you dummie! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Surveillance, oh I can handle surveillance. Listen, I was really good in surveillance when I was in the police academy. That was my best subject … next to recess. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
I’m gonna knock him into the middle of next week! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Enos! This is your superior officer RosCOOOOOOOOO P. Coltrane! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Nobody’s gonna buy a clock that’s cuckoo, you know. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Look hard in your pay envelope next week because stupidity is something you do withholding tax! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Cletus, if you let them Duke boys escape, I’m gonna use you for target practice tomorrow! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Flash, everybody’s a dipstick except you and me! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane

Short Quotes from Rosco P. Coltrane

OOOOOOH! I’m in ‘Hot Pursuit!’ Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Cletus, Your’e a 14 karat Dipstick! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Ohhh! That was a horrendous crash! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Ya dun SCUFFED my ve-hicle! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
We’re in Hot Pursuit! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Cyck! Cyck! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
What kind of fuels do fossils run off of? Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
I’m gonna cuff ya an’ stuff ya! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Enos, you’re having an optical contusion. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Great gobs of gallopin’ goose grease! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
You scuffed my dog! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Say Hello from Roscoe! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
I love it! I love it! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Oh my gritchen gravy, would you look yonder! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
Judas priest on a pony! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane Quotes
Buckle up for Safety Flash. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
That put a quiver in my liver. Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
I love hot pursuit that ends in victory! Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: The Bumbling Enforcer of Hazzard County

In the fictional world of Hazzard County, one character stands out as a memorable embodiment of ineptitude and comedic charm: Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane. Portrayed by the talented James Best in the classic TV series “The Dukes of Hazzard,” Sheriff Coltrane became an iconic figure with his unforgettable mannerisms, colorful personality, and bumbling law enforcement tactics.

Rosco P. Coltrane, with his distinct Southern drawl and comically exaggerated expressions, brought joy and laughter to viewers across the nation. As the self-proclaimed lawman of Hazzard County, he patrolled the roads in his trusty patrol car, the infamous “Sheriff’s Police Car,” adorned with its flashing lights and blaring siren. However, despite his best intentions, Sheriff Coltrane had a knack for stumbling into one misadventure after another.

With his sidekick, the equally entertaining basset hound Flash, by his side, Rosco often found himself outsmarted by the Duke boys, Bo and Luke, who managed to outmaneuver him time and time again. His attempts to catch the Duke boys were comically futile, with his plans often backfiring and resulting in hilarious consequences. Whether it was setting up elaborate roadblocks or deploying absurd disguises, Rosco’s schemes only served to provide amusement to viewers.

What made Sheriff Coltrane so endearing was his unrelenting determination, despite his consistent lack of success. He firmly believed in his abilities as the lawman of Hazzard County, even though he often found himself caught in his own web of mishaps. His exaggerated reactions and catchphrases, such as “Coo-Coo!”, “Great horny toads!”, and “I’m in hot pursuit!”, became iconic elements of the show, further amplifying the comedic value of his character.

Despite his bumbling nature, Sheriff Coltrane was not entirely devoid of moments of brilliance. Occasionally, he would display flashes of insight and resourcefulness, surprising both the Duke boys and the audience. These fleeting moments of competence only served to heighten the hilarity of his overall character, as they were quickly overshadowed by his usual blunders and missteps.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane was more than just a comedic figure; he represented the lovable underdog, the character we couldn’t help but root for despite his flaws. His endearing personality and unforgettable quotes have solidified his place in television history. Even today, fans of “The Dukes of Hazzard” fondly recall the shenanigans and laughter that ensued whenever Sheriff Coltrane graced the screen.

So, let’s raise a glass of sweet tea to Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane, the epitome of comedic law enforcement, and a timeless symbol of laughter and joy in the heart of Hazzard County. Coo-Coo!

 

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